In the span of a week, a family friend fell off the balcony of a 27 story building & the father of another friend was in a fatal car accident.
Stop for a second, take a deep breath, and understand that life isn’t guaranteed. Be happy that you’re here, that you’re healthy, and that those things that you’re usually anxious about are pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of life.
I can’t remember the last time I had a day that I never wanted to end. Today has left me so blissfully happy that I felt the need to write something down make sure I don’t forget that days like this do come along every so often… and they make all of those other shitty days vanish really easily.
Beach, barbecue, beer, and eight of the most amazing people I know. Talk about an amazing saturday.
It’s one of those days when I decide to drink a huge cup of black coffee, look REALLY hot for work, and opt to take over the fucking world.
I usually try to stay relatively positive on here but fuck. I’m so tired and stressed and I’m sick of holding it together. Work is stressing me out to the point that I can’t sleep and I’m just perpetually anxious. My body is aching because of the stress so I can’t tell if I’m actually sick or if I’m making myself sick by stressing the way that I am. I can’t even sit at home reading a book and drinking wine without feeling uptight tbh. I feel like I need someone to cuddle up with and distract me. Either that or so much alcohol that I can’t keep a coherent thought.
Okay where to begin… my day was bloody exhausting all around. Driving around in the pouring rain and getting lost in Midtown and Downtown and almost running over a man in a parking garage and my cell phone dying and the gas station pumps not working… I had a lunch date that was fun however even though my date was ridiculously funny and entertaining and genuine and sweet… they spoke about themselves SO much and didn’t try to get to know me at all. If you know me, you know that I love being social and making friends- I didn’t feel like speaking! We had nothing in common to talk about and our work lives are SO different. Travels everywhere, sitting in random bars and having creative processes (also one of the top 10 bartenders in the city) and a video producer who opens restaurants everywhere… versus me: Hotel Manager, never traveled, and 7 years younger. Whenever I would speak I felt so inadequate.. and I know that’s not the right word, but it was just weird. I didn’t feel comfortable talking about myself if that makes sense?
I’m just venting. Sorry and thank you for your time.
All my babies:
I’ve had a shitty monday and I would love to hear from some of you because casual conversation and/or inappropriate flirting would be much appreciated distractions.
tomorrow i will clean up my life. i’ll pick up my room and pay my credit card bills and call my grandmother.
but today? tonight? i’ll watch netflix till my eyes sting. i’ll throw everything off of my bed and onto the floor along with any responsibilities that have piled up in the past few days as I moved on autopilot from work to home to alcohol to sleep.
When did drinking tea before bed turn into drinking alcohol before bed?
Smore’s vodka on the rocks yall.
In honor of the absolutely incredible month I had (meeting Lady Gaga AND Lana Parrilla in one month??) I’m trying something a bit different for June. I plan on being on electronic devices a bit less. I deactivated my Facebook and deleted my twitter app for now.. And I’m just going to focus on me a bit more. I’m going to read more and do more yoga and talk to more strangers. I’m going to organize my life because I feel like it’s a bit chaotic right now. Any advice on this is absolutely welcome, as I will be checking my tumblr daily ;)
Happy June everyone! Let’s make it special.
Just bought my ticket to Vegas! Going in July ;)
Also just bought my ticket to Spooky Empire in Orlando.
Am I drunk shopping? Maybe? Do I care?
This situation is crazy to me because for so long you were my fantasy. When I read sappy love quotes and wanted to go on adventures, they were about you and I wanted to go with you. After years I found myself at a bar with you, with my lips on your neck and your hand on my ass. It should have been everything. For so long you were everything… but now you’re not.
Last night I did something I wanted to do for four years, it was also something really really stupid. I’m happy.
Things not to do when you actually have a lot to get done:
1. Drink three to four glasses of wine in quick succession
2. Take a hot bath guaranteed to make you sleepy
3. Flirt with lotsa people via text while in said bath.. While kind of sort of drunk
4. Lay in bed naked while typing up this post…. While sort of drunk
Just walked into my house after a shit day at work and my mom handed me a glass of bailey’s on the rocks. Ily mom.
It’s funny because you hear about people having these emotional releases, releases that are often times seemingly unfounded, and you can’t imagine how it must feel. You have to realize that something as simple as a photograph, a song, a yoga pose, a brush stroke- they can all trigger this surge of emotion through the human body. I think that this is how you know that you feel and understand the effects of art. It’s not something visual or tangible or auditory, it’s the impact that the sense has on the mind and on the spirit. I remember a few weeks ago when I went to the MET in New York for the very first time and I cried twice. Once was when I walked into a room full of Van Gogh paintings, and the other time was during a 30 minute meditative film sequence titled “The Refusal of Time” by William Kentridge.