cyndecisive
I'm a 21 year old coffee addict and workaholic. I love my cat, big cities, drawing celebrities, and new places. I have a lot of love to give and you can try to win me over with wine, flowers, and stories...but it probably won't work.


Being able to tell someone “yes what I did to you was selfish and that’s why I fucking did it. because i needed to do what was best for me in that moment and not give a shit what you thought” feels really good let me tell you. 


Last night I saw the stars for the first time. REALLY saw the stars. I live somewhere with so many lights that you can only see handful at once, but last night I was a few hours out of town on a beach as dark as I had ever seen. There were stars and stars and stars and I saw this depth and vastness that I could get lost in for hours without noticing. I saw a shooting star at one point, they’re real. It was just beyond comprehension that these things exist and they’re out there and I don’t see them every day.


I’m drained and exhausted and being pulled in ten thousand directions at once. At work today I have to write up one of my staff, I have a pile of orders to write about 5 inches high, and then I have to host an event that I’m sure no one is going to show up to, and I’m just not in the mood. At all :( Ever have those days? Or weeks really… ?


At my hotel yesterday I came across an elderly woman and her caretaker in the lobby… The woman walked into the elevator and upon looking at the framed wooden mirror, she put on the BIGGEST smile and said “Look! They put a picture of me in here!”

Made my day.


You’re actually 11 years older than me and you just deleted me from facebook. Way to be mature dumbass. 


just sent a really risky ass text and now im not turning my phone on till tomorrow morning ‘cause i’d like to get some sleep thanks


I spent 13 hours yesterday visiting fashion showrooms and dining with vendors. As amazing as that may sound, I think I have a permanent migraine that carried over from last night to today. 

Shopping for a living is no joke folks. 


It’s funny how job opportunities start showing up when you’re unhappy with your job. I do, however, think there is something to be said about resilience. I feel guilty even thinking about leaving the job that I despise 50% of the time- partially because the other 50% isn’t that bad and partially because my boss is bloody brilliant and a great mentor. Mind you, two other people have quit this job this year already. Also I’m not a quitter. If I feel as if I can make a change and make a difference somewhere it’s not easy for me to leave…even if I’m underpaid and stressed and not totally happy. 


In the span of a week, a family friend fell off the balcony of a 27 story building & the father of another friend was in a fatal car accident. 

Stop for a second, take a deep breath, and understand that life isn’t guaranteed. Be happy that you’re here, that you’re healthy, and that those things that you’re usually anxious about are pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of life. 


I can’t remember the last time I had a day that I never wanted to end. Today has left me so blissfully happy that I felt the need to write something down make sure I don’t forget that days like this do come along every so often… and they make all of those other shitty days vanish really easily.

Beach, barbecue, beer, and eight of the most amazing people I know. Talk about an amazing saturday. 


It’s one of those days when I decide to drink a huge cup of black coffee, look REALLY hot for work, and opt to take over the fucking world.


I usually try to stay relatively positive on here but fuck. I’m so tired and stressed and I’m sick of holding it together. Work is stressing me out to the point that I can’t sleep and I’m just perpetually anxious. My body is aching because of the stress so I can’t tell if I’m actually sick or if I’m making myself sick by stressing the way that I am. I can’t even sit at home reading a book and drinking wine without feeling uptight tbh. I feel like I need someone to cuddle up with and distract me. Either that or so much alcohol that I can’t keep a coherent thought.


Okay where to begin… my day was bloody exhausting all around. Driving around in the pouring rain and getting lost in Midtown and Downtown and almost running over a man in a parking garage and my cell phone dying and the gas station pumps not working… I had a lunch date that was fun however even though my date was ridiculously funny and entertaining and genuine and sweet…  they spoke about themselves SO much and didn’t try to get to know me at all. If you know me, you know that I love being social and making friends- I didn’t feel like speaking! We had nothing in common to talk about and our work lives are SO different. Travels everywhere, sitting in random bars and having creative processes (also one of the top 10 bartenders in the city) and a video producer who opens restaurants everywhere… versus me: Hotel Manager, never traveled, and 7 years younger. Whenever I would speak I felt so inadequate.. and I know that’s not the right word, but it was just weird. I didn’t feel comfortable talking about myself if that makes sense? 

I’m just venting. Sorry and thank you for your time. 


All my babies: 

I’ve had a shitty monday and I would love to hear from some of you because casual conversation and/or inappropriate flirting would be much appreciated distractions. 


tomorrow

tomorrow i will clean up my life. i’ll pick up my room and pay my credit card bills and call my grandmother. 

but today? tonight? i’ll watch netflix till my eyes sting. i’ll throw everything off of my bed and onto the floor along with any responsibilities that have piled up in the past few days as I moved on autopilot from work to home to alcohol to sleep. 

join me? 


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